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Thoughts From My Couch
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men
Could never ever, put Humpty Dumpty
Together again”
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 Humpty Dumpty

 “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men
Could never ever, put Humpty Dumpty
Together again”

 As it is often the case with these old songs and rhymes; there is more behind the simple words. In the true story it is about a canon used during a siege in the 15th century England, which falls from a tower and a battle is lost. The canon could not be repaired again. However, the finality of the last two lines has stayed with me since I was a young boy. “Why can’t he be put together again,” I used to ask my mother who tried her best to satisfy a curious boy with every possible answer she could think of. I felt sad for the egg shaped Humpty Dumpty lying broken on the grass after having fallen from the wall as it was portrayed in my storybook.  It was a few decades later that these lines suddenly came up for me again when I received the sad news of a good and dear friend who has decided t leave this plane of existence.

Speaking to you as a healer, we as therapists, doctors and healers want to ‘fix’ things, make it better, and make it work again; we want to give a clients and patients  some life force back whether it is in a physical, mental or spiritual way. In the movie ‘Hugo’ by Martin Scorsese, the boy (Hugo) fixes clocks. In a very moving scene he says the following:Everything has a purpose, even machines. Clocks tell the time, trains take you places. They do what they're meant to do ... Maybe that's why broken machines make me so sad; they can't do what they're meant to do. Maybe it's the same with people. If you lose your purpose, it's like you're broken.”

In NLP we have a belief that there are no broken people; only people with unresourceful states. However, sitting with many clients over the years whom have lost their sense of purpose and meaning, and looking into the sad and often lifeless expression in their eyes, it was sometimes less than easy to see this person as just being in an unresourceful state. As a therapist I have sometimes ‘desperately’ reached out and use every available tool to help a client to find these inner resources again. However, sometimes,  - all the Kings horses and all the Kings men, couldn’t put Humpty together again - healing like we want it to be, doesn’t happen and we are left with questions, doubts and regrets. All the ‘should have’s’, ‘must have’s’ and ‘ought to’s’, then often surface accompanied by feelings of very deep blame and regret. Recently, a psychologist said to me: “I should have seen it coming, I could have prevented it!”

The sad and true part of it all is that no matter what we do or don’t do, these things happen. People kill themselves, children drown, freak accidents happen. We can wrap it in beautiful metaphors and stories, philosophise or intellectualise about it; it only brings temporary relief. Rather than asking ‘why’ questions and making statements like: “I should have prevented it”; accept it as part of this plane of existence. Earth is a place of learning and growth and as we all know it can sometimes be very painful. We as healers can’t interfere in anyone else’s life journey, we can only do our work and then step back allowing life to be and unfold, in whatever way necessary even if it includes death and in this way a new beginning.
There is a time for sadness and grief, although it is only ‘a time’. When it is done, it is time to go on. Of course my friend’s face is floating in front of me and through NLP I have learned to change the pictures in my mind to something which supports as both: me on this plane; him on another plane. Hanging onto less resourceful picture memories stops the flow of life, and that is real pain. We can all learn to grow and use our powerful minds for healing and healing may also include dying, in whatever form. I want to rewrite the words of Humpty Dumpty:

“All the Kings horses and all the Kings men”
Couldn’t put Humpty back together again
And if you ever wonder: What is the purpose?
Asking questions: will never let it surface.
So, let go and allow things to be.......
For only then you will clearly see....”

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